Aspergers Symptoms In Boys
Whilst Aspergers symptoms in boys are reflective of those in girls, the impact and consequences can be different. On this page we will discuss the effects of Aspergers symptoms on boys as well as outlining how to manage, adapt and restructure the thought processes and behaviours which maintain the problems.
If you are a concerned parent, have realised that 'assessment' only goes so far and are now looking for genuine structured treatment - we can help. Feel free to browse the information on the website and if you'd like to ask any further questions or discuss your Aspergers case with a Consultant (free and without obligation), you can call us on 01782 855585, 11am to 9pm, seven days a week.
Although our Clinic is based in the UK we work with clients all over the world. Thus if you are located outside of the UK and would like us to consider working with you, read our International Consultations page.
An Overview Of Aspergers Symptoms In Boys...
Aspergers symptoms in males and females tend to be similar in terms of how the process works. For a detailed description of Aspergers symptoms (social interaction, language, physical and neuro processing) - read our dedicated page on Aspergers Symptoms.
Although the process creating and driving the Aspergers symptoms is consistent regardless of age or sex - the context or environment in which the symptoms manifest can create different problems for the sufferer. With this in mind we will use this page to discuss some specific examples of how boys are affected by Aspergers. Obviously we cannot cover all eventualities so if you have any unanswered questions - feel free to give us a call.
All Aspergers symptoms are driven by 'thought process' which in turn create emotional responses. The reason someone with Aspergers seems so different to a neuro-typical is that their automated (intuitive) thought processes work differently, and hence their emotional responses can also seem 'out of character' with the norm. Research suggests that there is no actual damage to an Aspies brain, which seems to be supported by the fact that they tend to be of at least average intelligence and often significantly higher. This supports the idea that the 'problems' are caused by thought process strategies or as we like to call it - software. Thus when compared to a computer, an average Aspie has a super powerful processing chip BUT outdated, flawed or inappropriate software.
The great news is that we can capitalise on that super powerful processing chip and use it to 'learn' to use up to date, useful and appropriate software. The capacity to learn new skills is available to the vast majority of Aspies - it is just a matter of teaching the skills in a way the Aspie understands and can take on board. Whilst effort has to be made in implementing these new skills, once achieved they become automated and the Aspie applies them without thinking.
Whilst there is nothing wrong with having Aspergers in terms of them processing information differently to neuro-typicals - their life tends to be tough on the grounds that their intuitive strategies for dealing with life mean that they struggle to 'fit in' and often feel alienated. It doesn't have to be this way. We need to accept that society isn't going to change overnight and all of a sudden become Aspergers aware. Thus the best way for an Aspie to create an easier life for themselves is to take control of the way they live. We have the tools and techniques to make this a reality.
Problems At School For Aspergers Sufferers...
The school system can bring an assortment of blessings and problems for any Aspie. Let us first consider some of the blessings:
- A well of knowledge. Most Aspies are 'information driven' although often restricted to a niche area or specialised interest. The combination of books, computers and teachers are a potential gold mine in terms of learning.
- An opportunity to make many new friends.
- An opportunity to observe and learn social interaction.
- An opportunity to freely mix with the opposite sex (particularly in high school).
However, in reality schooling is a tough time for many Aspies. Whilst lessons follow a formal pattern some Aspies struggle with 'different teachers' teaching 'different subjects'. As Aspies tend to prefer rigid patterns, even something as subtle as one teacher having a different teaching style to another teacher can be enough to cause stress and anxiety. When in a mainstream school an Aspie can also find that some teachers have less time or inclination to take account of their struggles.
Moving on to other pupils, whilst there is an opportunity to make new friends - there is also the risk of being singled out and bullied. Of course with youngsters being what they are, any perceived difference from the norm can be rapidly capitalised upon. What makes this extra difficult for an Aspie is that they tend not to understand the rules of how 'social acceptance' works. Whilst some Aspies seem to be relatively unfazed by what a neuro-typical would take as 'bullying' the inevitable retreat from social circles becomes ever more of a problem as the child matures into adulthood.
Withdrawing from social circles also results in a lost opportunity to learn from social interactions. Thus as Aspies tend to be generally internally focused they tend to miss out on the natural learning events of interacting with their peers. From a logical standpoint you can hardly blame an Aspie for not feeling drawn to want to mix with people they don't particularly understand. Mixing with others tends to cause problems, anxiety and emotional flare-ups... whereas keeping their own company is safe and predictable. We can therefore see how Aspies make sense of their intuitive behaviours, even though over the long-term these behaviours seem to cause more problems than they solve.
Fortunately these difficulties can be minimised by early education and training. The sooner the Aspie understands how things really work (rather than relying purely on what comes to them intuitively), the easier and more fruitful their life will be. A parent can provide a reasonable grounding in terms of perspective and skills learned from their own experiences, however often this only adequate for minor improvements. Generally speaking, an Aspie will respond far better and with more consistent results when specialised professional help is given. Remember that we're not talking about more NHS assessments and box ticking here - we're talking about the tools and techniques that create significant measurable long-term results.
Aspergers - Struggling To Be A Teenager...
It is very common for an Aspergers sufferer, even from a very young age, to behave more like an adult than a child. Obviously, they are not really adults but pick up certain adult traits which they mimic. This can sometimes lead to parents considering their child to be particularly mature for their age. However, whether the child is mature beyond their years or whether they are merely mimicking adults... the effect on their peer group is rarely welcome.
A common trait exhibited by Aspies is that of 'out of context' language. For example adolescents have their own unique vocabulary for speaking to other adolescents. This is often made up of slang and current popular phrases. However, many Aspies speak more on par with a Thespian or university lecturer in terms of their word choice rather than that of their peers. Whilst the average Aspie tends to communicate concisely (which is surely a positive) this lack of 'connection' with the peer group tends to reduce rapport. Unfortunately, there is also little rapport to be gained with adults through this behaviour as they tend to perceive incongruence when a youngster speaks like an adult. In reality it is a real pity that the 'problems' faced by so many Aspies are brought about through the narrow and unforgiving perception of others.
Following puberty there are the same drives in Aspies that there are in neuro-typicals... namely sexual curiosity, sex drive and sexual attraction. Thus in high school / college Aspies are thrown into a position where, let's face it, most neuro-typicals find themselves on a steep learning curve. As sexual attraction is driven by the emotional part of the brain and is played out through subtle subconscious behaviours, Aspies find themselves at a distinct disadvantage. Their usual strategy of applying logic and reason to situations simply doesn't work when it comes to understanding the opposite sex. Thus their lack of social interaction and development of social / emotional recognition in earlier years comes back to bite them.
Many male neuro-typicals find it difficult to know when a girl finds them attractive. In the minds of many lads it would be far simpler for a girl to just say "I find you attractive - please have sex with me". However, it doesn't work that way. Sexual interaction is like social interaction but with the stakes raised much higher. The cues in terms of language, body language and reciprocal give and take are exponentially more subtle and important to get 'just right'. It is true to say that women are far more attuned to noticing these subtleties than men. Thus as four times as many men struggle with Aspergers than women, there is a greater numerical number of Aspies that 'really struggle' to read the signs correctly.
The good news is that sexual attraction is a process. Thus it can be modelled and taught. It is true to say that attraction is not a choice, rather it just happens... which indicates it is a subconscious process. It is actually an extension of the 'rapport process' particularly in terms of how women feel attraction. Men are different insofar as probably 90% of their attraction criteria are visual, hence the popularity of pornography with them. However as this page is dedicated to males we'll stick with what works in terms of making women feel attracted to them. Essentially you can 'learn' how to be attractive to women because so much of what makes them feel 'connected' to a man is down to behaviour rather than looks. You're stuck with your looks... but you can change your behaviour with the right help.
Although many Aspies can appear aloof in terms of not being particularly interested in 'socialising' - it is very rare that an Aspie wont want some kind of sexual partner. Yet this is an area where (to our knowledge) there is very little help out there beyond what we offer to our clients. When asking an average male Aspie what they'd most like to learn to be successful at... the reply is generally to be better with women in order to get and keep a girlfriend. Fortunately this is just one of the skill sets we can teach as part of our treatment programme.
What To Do Next...
This page has discussed some general topics applicable to boys with Aspergers. Of course, we cannot discuss every possible issue on one page or even on a whole website. Aspies are just as individual as neuro-typicals and hence their issues, problems, challenges and aspirations are specific to them personally. From a treatment perspective it is absolutely essential to consider each case purely upon its circumstances and needs rather than assuming that a single approach will be suitable for all Aspies.
With this in mind each and every client we work with (whether an Aspie, parent of an Aspie or neuro-typical) is treated as an individual being taught and trained with specifically what they need. We have no time for box ticking, reams of paperwork or bureaucracy - rather our time is efficiently dedicated to using specifically what works in order to get the results you need.
For further information on how we can help, feel free to call us on 01782 855585, 11am to 9pm, seven days a week to discuss your case - or alternatively have a read of our UK Consultations page. If you live outside of the UK you should read our page on International Consultations for our international contact details.
If you would like further information on how our treatment programme for Aspies (and parents of Aspies) works, you should read our page on Aspergers Treatment.
